Day 34!!!!!!
Went to the hospital in the morning. Practiced music in the afternoon. Met up with some friends and went to a salsa bachata dance class first time in my life! FUN!!!!! What makes me really happy today is that i made up with my friend. She's my best friend ever. I love her a lot. But last night we had a huge fight......Our friendship almost went to an end. But we made up today. Im really happy. I cant live without her. We been friends for three years!!! I cried a lot last night thinking that i was about to lose her!!🥲
Anyways we are back to these pantyhose pictures hi! Which one is your favorite???
Day 33
Hi. How was everybody's weekend. Mine was fine. Stayed home the whole time on Sunday cuz its raining out and super cold. Not too much going on today tbh. its actually day34 here in the morning i just got up and im getting ready to start my day. Going to the hospital today to get the results of physical exams. Hope nothings wrong with my body. Praying.
Last 2 photos of this set. I hope you like them. I love you guys!
Day 32 in Barcelona.
I haven't been posted for 2 days because i have been super busy!! Im glad im busy just sometimes its too tiring...... Only if we had 30 hours a day!!! btw how do you guys do it when you are SUPER tired but you still gotta get up to work - cuz for me coffee doesnt work at all....
Anyways. This week both of my drum teacher and bass teacher both told me that I was a good student (altho my bass teacher did yell at me again saying i cant tell him im sexy anymore i need to be more serious😂😂😂 i mean.... theres nothing i can do..) BUT flamenco guitar is HARD AF.......... ITS SO HARD OMG IM GONNA CRY....i feel like im learning guitar from beginner level all over again. It requires a lot of fingers control ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE!!!
My fans on Instagram is dropping - because i havent gone live lately. hence my followers on here are dropping too. Im a lil stressed. Like, i feel like i have so many things to do at a time - my priority is music i practice every day. But then I also need time, energy for social media cuz thats how i make money and once i give a little less attention on social media cuz much on music - im dropping follwers - making less money ( and im not making much money at all.. 🥲😂 and music is soooo money consuming....) AHHHH im stressed.. I need time for both but Im tired .. seriously why cant i have 30 hours a day😵😵😵 I have so many things to do a day!!
Last night i watched some music videos of Doja cat - one of the bigshots nowdays in music industry, rising female singer/ rapper... I been thinking, what have i been doing? I'm not working hard enough cuz look at her - three years ago she was singing some stupid " bitch im a cow" song. Now hits after hits, awards after awards....And she is genuienly talented. Now look at me, i only have one single (actually 2) yet i have been focusing on technical stuff like how to play instruments better... i think its time for me to record more music and get it out to the world too. Just whenever i see better artists i feel like im not working hard enough... Cuz ive promised myself - i wanna hold the BEST concert in human history. Thats like my life goal. I wanna be the queen of pop music. I really want it. I wanna, in my concert, play ALL the instruments while singing my own songs, while dancing to my own songs. Yea a little ambitous I know. But yo thats just who i am.
Ok been talking a lot i feel like OF is a place where im recording my daily life and thoughts, a place where i get to give vent to my feelings - cuz i know nobody's reading my texts anyways guys only care about my sexy photos- whether im naked or not or which body part am i showing today lol.
Anyways, hope everybodys having a good weekend and enjoy my photos! love you!
day 30 in Barcelona
been a month here already. Ive been super busy going to music classes dance classes practice sessions.......Tiring but productive. Flamenco guitar is SUPER DIFFICULT tho I don't understand how my profe can play thatfast with such dexterity, and my dance teacher as well They are all so good. and my drums teacher and my bass teacher....OMG so many people inthis world are better than me why is everybody better than me...I'm good,but just not good enough to be the best. But I'll keep trying keep pushing.
Also one thing I been meaning to ask you guys.So people have actually been telling me things about Playboy and how I should send them my portfolio. What do you guys think? Because for me I had never thought of this.And this has always been like a dream to me. And now that people keep telling me I should give it a shot,it's kinda in my head now. I'm not sure. ?What doyou guys think? Would you like to see me in the cover of playboy magazine?. Tell me tellme !!!! omg I'm sotired going to sleep now guys good night kisses to all of You
Day 30 in Barcelona.
Omg today i was super stressed and annoyed..... Guess its cuz im on my period, feeling emotional. Had a super busy day, but productive. Practiced a lot. Just not really on a good mood. Every little thing sets me off. I even threw tantrum to a friend of mine. I never do that lol.... Goddamn it period. LIke i dont get it why those who are NOT pregnant should be punished with periods?? So unfair!!!!!!!!
ok ill calm lol. Tomorrow will be a LONNNNNNNNNNNNG day. Wait for it. Im not getting enough sleep cuz its 2 in the morning and tomorrow im getting up at 8 and long day without a break.... Spanish lessons, drum lesson, dance lesson, piano practice session, drum practice session, bass practice session. uffffff... i wish i had 26 hours a day...
I love sun btw. I just LOVE sun. I could sit in the sun ALL DAY LONG like I do in the picture 😌
day 29 in barcelona!!!
Almost a month!!! I havent posted for 2 days because i have been on period..... And it hurts a lot!!!!!!!ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ Being sick makes me miss home more. and wow i have left home for a month now. I really miss China, where everything is fast and convenient. Things are just SO SLOWWWWW here......
I been looking at tiktok, trying to maybe, idk, blaze a trail there as well... But idk...there seem to be a lot of cool creators as well and i doubt if i can be as good...or better..... Yea i doubt myself constantly to be honest, which is not a good thing. Sometimes i cant help but think: while everybodys telling you how good you are, but the reality is you are just not as good as you think you are, you are just... not as talented as they think you are? idk.... im tired i need some sleep.
Good night guys. I'll be wearing this to bed tonight!!😴😴
Day 27
People in Spain all got a lil cranky and grumpy to me - at least what i think lol. I got yelled by the portsman of the music school because i covered the window so nobody sees that i was taking OF photos in here. I got yelled by a grumpy boss at a restaurant because i asked " what is this?"...😂 Got yelled by my bass teacher because I brought a friend to my classroom😅 happy Grumpy Spanish People Festival!!!! Im thinking maybe theyll need to take this day off too as they are so in love with vacations...😆
Today my day was mediocre. Had to go shopping because its getting collldddd and i only have 1 long sleeves t shirt.... yet most of the money s spent due to yesterdays stupid hospital thing. But i mean, still gotta wear something for this freaking freezing winter right hahaha.....
Although today my bass teacher did say to me: You are a very good student. Keep working hard and I believe you will be GREAT and BIG in music industry. Wow hes such a serious guy tho!! And he said something like this to me i was like.... so flattered!!!!!!
Anyways guys another shoot of me in Halloween. How you guys like this set of shoot so far?
Day 26
I went to the hospital for the gynocologist to do some physical checkout today. I passed out right at the hospital. First time in my life - fainted. I had never been like this. Like i was feeling off the whole time then all of a sudden i got super dizzy and everything went black then i fell onto the ground........ For a moment i felt like i was gonna die. it was painful, strengthless and helpless...... So all it boiled down to hypoglycemia - i didnt eat breakfast this morning...
I mean.. i always skip breakfast... Im a model and i dont eat much... at least i contain myself not too. Being a model is harsh. I love food..... And ive had ED - Eating disorder... its harder for me.....
Anyways so that sent me to the ER.... that place is expensive as shit.. i shouldve just walked back home lol....... so just this 2 hours in the hospital - 700 euros. Its already more than half of my budget for a month.ðŸ˜ðŸ˜maybe i never shouldve gone to the hospital ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ now i have to really tighten my belt this month now.
Anyways, you guys like my halloween set? haha how do i look?
Day 25 in Barcelona
Woww its almost been a month here! The longest time in my life i have left China.
Today was ok - I wasnt energetic like I always am today.. I even fell asleep practicing piano and drums.. So yea im a bad student🥲
Its getting super cold in Spain. I hate the cold... I cant live with the cold. Winter just makes more lazier and lazier. It's a painful thing for me since i grew up in Southern China - every day feels like summer there. now that im here im just super afraid and also i didnt bring any clothes here at all when i was leaving home............ Oh gosh its gonna be a cruel winter.......
Tomorrow for the first time I'm going to hospital to get checked - hope everything is fine with my body. Can't afford to get sick lol.
Here are some selfies from Halloween night! I love you guys!
Day 24 in Barcelona.
Life gets back to being busy again. I like this. It's just weather is getting colder and colder and since im from south of China, all of this is still too cold for me..
The colder it gets the more lonely I feel. I miss home. I miss my sisters. I miss them a lot a lot a lot. If they knew i was doing this - posting explicit pictures online in foreign countries for a living - they would be massively disappointed in me.. It's not that I dont like it - I do. It's art. Its just I know I am better than just my tits and ass...
But anyways. Me and candle feeling lonely. Enjoy! When you guys feel lonely come chat with me. Not sure I will always respond in time but, I will. I love you guys!
Halloween set!
to be honest ive lost count on how many days im here. its been 3 weeks now.
Went out to party last night the first time in Barcelona and first time i did halloween and this is my outfut!!!!! ill post more photos in this session!!! Stay tuned guys theyll only get hoter and hoter!!!!!!
had fun. cuz its holiday here most of the stores were closed. i looked for a place for costume for so long and finally decided on batwoman.... at first the outfit was lame af, not sexy at all.But then im like oh fuck it im gonna design my own outfit. Then i cut some holes... Then it made me literally the hottest girl on the street now!! check the video!
Anyway, first Halloween in my life, not bad. Fun, got hit on by a lot of people haha. Fun!!
Day 19 in Barcelona.
Had a super busy week. Skipped a lot of Spanish classes. But music and dance has been really productive. Had my first drum lesson, my first bass lesson. And learned some SUPER DIFFICULT guitar skills. BORING and DULL and HARD.. Ouch... nothing is easy.......
One thing in Spain that really frustrates me is 1. they always have vacations and weekend and vacations nothing is open- meaning you can't practice drums and piano on weekends and vacations. 2. No matter what you practice you have to reserve a room a day beforehands - and you can only practice 2 hours per day.... this is so different from China and what my old lifestyle was.. because literally before i just needed to stay in the music studio ALL DAY LONG practicing WHATEVER I WANT HOWEVER I WANT AS LONG AS I WANT... but now everything is more difficult...ugh.....
The bass teacher doesnt seem to like me that much. Or he is just a super serious guy... He didn't laugh at my cheesy jokes 😂... and he seems to be very ...just serious..... idk...
I feel like my fear for dance is going away gradually, or idk... knock on the wood... Just im glad i can start enjoying dance again, not like when i was in china - where everything seemed to be a competition - it really stressed me out. Last night I attened waacking class. Surprisingly, the teacher was also in Shanghai teaching at the dance stuido i went to when i was there, in 2015. Waacking class, gosh. Its been a long time since i took this class last time. I remember when i was 17 id go to this local dance studio EVERY NIGHT and take waacking lessons there. Helped me grow a lot. And last night all those memories flashed back again. I feel like i couldnt dance as well as before anymore - i stopped for a few years, had one year of mental breakdown about dance... now that im here again, looking at the mirror... idk, im just scared that id hate dance again cuz i used to be so happy with being able to dance. But one thing the teacher said to me, after class, " i saw your first move, and immediately i was like, this chick can dannnnnnnceee!" That cheered me up a lot. Yeah, its not about competiton, its about enjoying myself when i dance. I'm glad i kinda sorta found that enjoyment in dance again...
It's raining here today. I hate rain. So, let me stay in bed and be with my guitar!
Day 17 in Barcelona
Skipped school AGAIN!!!!!!!! I'm such a bad student lol. Had my very drum class in Taller de musics - one of the best music institutions, according to my friends. The professor taught me a few ways to correct my ways to hold the drumsticks, turns out for so long i have been holding the drumsticks in a way thats less relaxing.... Practice!
2hours of Drum practice today, 2 hours of piano practice. - Had a super tiring day. It was productive yes but, really tiring. Menos mal i made some new friends at the music institutions - makes me feel less lonely.
i love the beatles. i love the beatles. Im listening to the beatles while im writing this lol.
Also they say getting on birth control makes my boobs look bigger - is that true?? I mean,, they are big enough now right 😂😂😂or not?
day 15 in Barcelona. Wow Cant believe its been 2 weeks already.
Our Spanish professor changed today. She seems to be funnier but I can´t learn much from her. And we are all girls in this C1 Spanish class. 😅 I start to feel like maybe i should skip school more often and go practice instead. I can learn it on my own, which is more efficient anyways.
Then it came to the first dance class I went to in Europe. I looked for a place where they teach Popping and Waacking for so long. Nervous, don´t know if Im doing the right thing to be honest because i used to love dancing. But my stupid college in shanghai made it hard for me - long story. I´m just afriad that this will take away my passion for dance again, i dont know. Cuz i used to be so good. But what happened in shanghai completely destroyed my dancing passion - arm fracture due to falling down from a dance pole which took me months to recover, critics and pressure from all over..... I stopped dancing for a long time. (Then started writing songs. Its how my songwriting career starts) ...............
Now im back in the dance class again. Looking at myself in the mirror, I'm lost and kinda found myself again at the same time. I'm struggling - to enjoy dance again. I know I am a good dancer, just I don't want to feel like I was obligatory to me- then it lost all the fun in it. I wanna feel the passion again. And will Europe bring it back to me? I don't know. I'm struggling.
I still have my champion's plate I won when i was in high school doing street dance battle. I thought I would make it, to be one of the best dancers in China. Jokes on me. Couldn't even handle these minor setbacks and critics. But I'm getting back up. I'm not taking no for an answer!
omg its 5 in the morning idk what im writing. hope it makes sense to you guys. haha just wrote what it came to my mind...
I wanna dance agian, can you see it through my eyes? ( or tits? lol)
day 13 in Barcelona.
Didn't go to jam cuz i freaked out and i came up with some lame excuses and canceled it. yea... i feel stupid.... i shouldve gone to jam... but i just didnt really feel like i was prepared... 10 songs in 2 days was just not enough.. also this week im sure as hell wasnt as fun as last week cuz they are more girls this week hahaha. I'm not into girls🤣🤣🤣
apart from that, studied a whole lot. Sigh, what is it for, sometimes i think, if im here selling my body pictures and not a lot are truly interested in what's inside of me. There are a few, and so I appreciate you all. But what if all the efforts are for nothing? I dont know i dont want to think about it. I just want to keep working hard. Maybe it'll pay off, maybe it'll not.
Red makes me feel alive. Do you like red as much as i do?
Day 12 in Barcelona.
Skipped school today😂 Feeling SUPER tired and lazy idk what i did maybe i was sleepwalking and went to rob the bank??? Anyways.. Finally decided which music school to go to - the best one in Barcelona. As I found all the other were all a little too easy for me... My new journey is going to start soon! I'm going to learn more about music now i'm so excited!!! But meanwhile its also more costly than all the other schools😥 Ugh, I have been skimming so hard for it... I'll have to pay the tuition on Monday then i'm left with almost nothing...... Life is not easy😔 But for music, I'll fight for it!! I'll be fine!! Stay tough!!!
Went to practice piano at night for the jam thing. Dont think i can pull it off tomorrow. Too many songs. So I messaged the guy and called it off. Now i feel like a loser, a coward. But time was also impossible.. here for practicing piano, they charge 8 euros per hour... Can't practice much...
Well so that was my day. I'm really tired. Can you see it through my eyes?
Day 11 in Barcelona.
All the students feeling crawled back. Cuz i have been off school for a long time, today i felt it again. All that school stuff- didnt want to get up for school, sleepy eyes, almost falling asleep at class...... I miss that feeling haha.
Had my first guitar lesson here. I showed the teacher the Spanish song I wrote... tbh i felt sooooo ashamed to play native spanish people this song. I used harmonic minor in the song so that it sounded Spaniard. I was so ashamed, so neverous to show this work to native spanish speaker.. But I had to so I did..............Turned out the teacher was impressed by my work!! 😅
Also Saturday's jam session they want me to stand in for the piano guy. Which means i need to learn 10 songs in 2 days..... I had never jammed with musicians playing only the keyboard....again.... nervous and dont know what to do and scared and omg...just busyyy😵 we'll see how it turns out this Saturday..... I dont want to fuck this up but time is really limited!!!🥲🥲
Hey! I'm looking at you. Are you looking at me? ;)
Day 10 in Barcelona
Life has settled down here now. Hung out with a friend who loves the Beatles as much as I do. We sang and played the guitar, all about the Beatles. Gosh, I really love them. All of their music was what inspired me to start writing songs back then.
Speaking of which i need to start writing songs again. I have always feared that my songs are not good enough and felt embarrassed to play it to people. As much as i ve played my songs to a lot of people and they like it, i feel like.....yea im still not good enough. They are all trash. I wanna be like Billy Joel, like Elton John...Gah when can i write songs as good as theirs... Another fear is that, i write songs in english ( a few are in spanish). Since English is not my native language- i learned it by myself as well, i always feel ashamed to sing my lyrics to people... what if they think my lyrics are weird? What if they cringe lol....... FEARS.....
Anyways, yup. Good morning from Barcelona everybody. We are looking at you ;)
Day 9 in Barcelona.
Wow can't believe its been almost 10 days here. Time flies by. Went to hunt for music school today again because the last one I found was too costly and i can't really afford it. (They say thats the best music institute in Barcelona. )
So I went from one to another, I tried out the first free trial class. hmm, I'm just not so impressed by the teacher..... Like, all the techniques he told me I have already all learned online. He also admitted that he didnt expect a student to be at this high level.... And for me, i like clases that are like super SUPER intensive. Like tons of new knowledge for a brainstorm... explore music from differrent angle, and just basically leave me breathless braincellless by the end of the class. The teacher was good and nice but, I didnt see it...to be honest i dont see this will go far and i dont think its efficient for me. But yea.. of course its a cheaper class..But then if you want better teachers you will need more money....😰 ah, stressed.... then I have dance lessons to take... 😧 So much to do yet only so many hours a day and so little money in the pocket lol. But Ill look for anther music school tomorrow and i need to make this decision ASAP cuz its been 10 days. Its now or never.
Me at the rooftop trying to calculate the price for it all. This distracts me a little.
Day 8 in Barcelona.
Today my school started. As someone who had never studied abroad, i had so much envision to sit in a classroom filled with students with different hair style, eyes color, different faces, different atitudes and who speak different languages!! Wow everything was new to me because I had always been studying in traditional Chinese school!!
To be honest, i was also quite worried. Though I understand most people now are not racists, its still a thing. But they say nobody's racist to a pretty girl hahhahaha. and yea, worried also because I had never had a Spanish lesson. I taught myself Spanish with books and movies. And i still make a lot of grammtical mistakes when I speak. I was afraid that people would laugh at me. It was a combination of anticipation and apprehesion...
However, everybody turned out to be very impressed by my Spanish, the profesor said I was very impressive because usually Chinese students speak very poor Spanish and yet I speak it SO WELL and NATURALLY. Its even more unbeliveable that I studied this ALL ON MY OWN....................
Agian, confirmed - nothing is impossible. You just gotta do it. So yea, need to keep myself on my toes agian now that im settled. I wanna start taking drums lessons, bass lessons, piano lessons, flamenco guitar lessons, electronic guitar lessons and dance lessons again. I know I'm good. But not good enough. So, I'll keep working. And I know the day will come. Nothing is impossible.
But then later today I felt so tired that i didnt want to get up and go study... I feel like im wasting a lot of time. I hate the lazy version of me yet today i was lazy. UGHHHH IM SUCH A GOODFORNOTHING! 😔 Tic tocking, time wasting.....
Rooftop views always take me somewhere far away, far away, far far far away.
Day 7 in Barcelona. Didnt do anything special today. Just be lazy the whole afternoon lying in bed practicing guitar then falling asleep. Later met up with a friend, this is one of the new friends i made in barcelona. Feeling lonely sometimes mostly because i miss my sisters. Also i got yelled at by the staff at supermarket because i forgot to bring my mask😢. This is the first time someone yelled at me i was so embarrassed..... More lonliness rushed in.......
Standing at the rooftop makes me feel less lonely, knowing that there are so many people out there going through the same situation, feeling exactly the same, leaving their family to try to make it in another city...... We are all here for a better tomorrow. And it will come.
Day 6 in Barcelona. Went on some app and found a group of people to jam. I was really nervous to be honest because this was the first time Im really jamming with musicians in a foreign country, in Spain, in Europe. This was intimidating. I always feel like musicians out here are way more advanced and better. I, as a self taught musican, really dont know if i could handle this. I might probably fuck it up as I did the other night with the song Bohemian Rhapsody. And I was the only girl. In the end, I sang, played the piano and the drums. They had not expected a girl who just moved from a foreign country to Spain, could play all of the instruments. To be honest i had not expected myself to be able to handle it either but today i learned a lot in this jam session, and i confirmed again that yes, i can do it all. Yes I just need to keep doing what im doing. Especially after playing the drums they all gave me a round of applause i was so flattered and proud. I was really scared that the musicians would not like me because I was not sure where I was. But turned out they were alll impressed. Now I wanna work so much harder to make the whole world impressed.....
Anyways, tomorrow I will look for dance studio. Gotta pick up my dance skills as well. I used to be the champion in my city when I was in high school!!
I enjoy hustle and bustle. I'd always stand high and look down the city, and I'll always be impressed by how colossal the earth is and how tiny human beings are. Triggers me to work harder, to be better.
Day5 in Barcelona. Im loving this city more and more every day. Finally got kinda settled down. Waiting for school day. I walked by an apartment and overheard some people jamming with guitars. And i joined them and had tons of fun. I realized i had made some progress on guitar soloing. Again confirmed that music is what im living for. Its my passion, its my life. And im here in Barcelona. Im sure this year will take me far. Tonight i officially brought my music to Europe for the first time - open mic night. I sang, played the guitar, piano and i really enjoyed it and all the applause. It makes me feel alive. I love music. I'll do whatever it takes to get better at it.
so this is a photo of me basking, letting my mind flow with wind. I need to think of some lines that fit the song that im writing now.............
Day 4 in Barcelona. Missing my family a lot. Went out to hunt for music school. omg, everything was so expensive!! Wanted to do flamenco guitar, electric guitar, bass, drums lessons but it was just WAY outta my budget. Gotta work harder to make it happen now!!!
So this is me basking under the sun after long day of hunting for music estudio. i love u guys
day3 in Barcelona. Finally got settled down. Bought myself some clothes. Don't really like to take lines, thats one thing i miss about China. I just go shopping online and all that you want will just be sent to your home. But I had an awesome day. Tried croquetas for the first time finally. Didnt really like it hahah but im glad i tried. Tomorrow i'll start looking for music studio in Barcelona. I'm already missing playing piano a lot and drums!!!!!!oh i need my babiessss.
Anywayss so im just gonna end my day with a soothing shower. See you guys tomorrow!!
Day2 in Barcelona. Finally got my Onlyfans set up. I hope you guys like my pictures! And subscribe please haha i need the money to learn Flamenco guitar, which is the whole incentive of me coming to Europe!
