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Why did the chicken marry the crocodile?Because crocodoolado..

Why did the chicken marry the crocodile?

Because crocodooladoo is a good family name. 

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Time flies like an arrow.Fruit flies like a banana. 

Time flies like an arrow.

Fruit flies like a banana. 

I took the shell off my racing snail, thinking it would make..

I took the shell off my racing snail, thinking it would make him faster.

If anything, it made him more sluggish.

My friend gave me his Epi–Pen as he was dying.It seemed very..

My friend gave me his Epi–Pen as he was dying.

It seemed very important to him that I have it. 

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Have you heard of Murphy’s Law? Ok, but have you heard of Co..

Have you heard of Murphy’s Law? Ok, but have you heard of Cole’s Law?

It’s thinly-sliced cabbage.

When you look really closely...…all mirrors look like eyebal..

When you look really closely...

…all mirrors look like eyeballs

Did you know Jesus drove a Honda but just didn’t talk about ..

Did you know Jesus drove a Honda but just didn’t talk about it?

John 12:49: “For I did not speak of my own accord.”

How do you talk to Italian ghosts?With a Luigi board.

How do you talk to Italian ghosts?

With a Luigi board.

Two cows are grazing in a field. One says to the other, “You..

Two cows are grazing in a field. One says to the other, “You ever worry about that mad cow disease?”

The other cow says, “Why would I care? I’m a helicopter.”

What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?A carrot.

What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot.

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What’s E.T. short for?He’s only got little legs

What’s E.T. short for?

He’s only got little legs

Two men meet on opposites sides of a river. One shouts to th..

Two men meet on opposites sides of a river. One shouts to the other “I need you to help me to get to the other side!”

The other guy shouts, “You are on the other side!”

What came first, the chicken or the egg?Safety. Safety alway..

What came first, the chicken or the egg?

Safety. Safety always comes first. 

This is your captain speaking.AND THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SHOUT..

This is your captain speaking.

AND THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SHOUTING.

A coroner died.He stiill went to work

A coroner died.

He stiill went to work

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How do you get a squirrel to like you?Act like a nut.

How do you get a squirrel to like you?

Act like a nut.

Which rock group has four guys who can’t sing or play instru..

Which rock group has four guys who can’t sing or play instruments?

Mount Rushmore.

I bought a dog from a locksmith.The second I got him in the ..

I bought a dog from a locksmith.

The second I got him in the house he made a bolt for the door.

What do you call an empty can of Cheese Whiz?Cheese Was.

What do you call an empty can of Cheese Whiz?

Cheese Was.

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