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How do you get an astronaut's baby to sleep? You rocket.

How do you get an astronaut's baby to sleep? You rocket.

 I like the name Brie, but it's a little cheesy.

 I like the name Brie, but it's a little cheesy.

What do you call 2 monkeys that share an Amazon account? Pri..

What do you call 2 monkeys that share an Amazon account? Prime mates.

I like the name Brie, but it's a little cheesy.

I like the name Brie, but it's a little cheesy.

How do you get in touch with a Roman architect? You column.

How do you get in touch with a Roman architect? You column.

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Why don't vampires have any friends? Because they're a pain in the neck.

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My dream job would be to clean mirrors. I could really see myself doing that.

Why did the coffee call the police? It got mugged.

Why did the coffee call the police? It got mugged.

How do you get an astronaut's baby to sleep? You rocket.

How do you get an astronaut's baby to sleep? You rocket.

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I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you kno..

I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know.

What did sushi A say to sushi B? Wasabi!

What did sushi A say to sushi B? Wasabi!

A man walks into lawyer's office and asks, "How much for a c..

A man walks into lawyer's office and asks, "How much for a consultation?" "Three questions for $150 bucks." "Kinda steep, isn't it?" "Yeah, now what's your last question."

What do you say to your sister when she's crying? "Are you h..

What do you say to your sister when she's crying?

"Are you having a crisis?"

I can't take my dog to the park because the ducks keep tryin..

I can't take my dog to the park because the ducks keep trying to bite him. I guess that's what I get for buying a pure bread dog.

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Are you feeling cold? Sit in the corner, it is 90 degrees.

Are you feeling cold? Sit in the corner, it is 90 degrees.

My mate asked me to stop singing 'Wonderwall'. I said maybee..

My mate asked me to stop singing 'Wonderwall'. I said maybeeeeeee.

What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?“Rob..

What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?

“Robin, get in the car.”

What’s the last thing that goes through a bug’s mind when it..

What’s the last thing that goes through a bug’s mind when it hits a windshield?

Its butt. 

What happens when a frog’s car breaks down?It gets toad.

What happens when a frog’s car breaks down?

It gets toad.

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I went on a once-in-a-lifetime vacation.Never again.

I went on a once-in-a-lifetime vacation.

Never again.

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Parallel lines have so much in common.

It’s a shame they’ll never meet.

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I threw a boomerang a few years ago.I now live in constant f..

I threw a boomerang a few years ago.

I now live in constant fear.