What do you call a disobedient feline pirate? A mew-tineer! 😹 Happy **Disobedience Day!** - Did you get up to no good yet today? 😈
2023-07-03 19:00:28 +0000 UTC View Post
Someone told me I was forgetful- But I can't remember who it was... 🤔 Oh well! Happy **I Forgot Day!** 😅
2023-07-02 19:00:38 +0000 UTC View Post
Why are Canadian students so smart? We get lots of *ehs*!
2023-07-01 19:00:20 +0000 UTC View Post
If you're wearing a cowboy outfit... Does that mean you're ranch dressing? 🤠
2023-06-30 19:01:05 +0000 UTC View Post
Camera men always complete their work- They are very good at focusing.
2023-06-29 19:01:03 +0000 UTC View Post
When my friends talk about the 80's they think of boom boxes..I had to stop them- That's just a stereo type
2023-06-28 19:00:48 +0000 UTC View Post
Why can't pirates wear sunglasses? Because they have no buccaneers!
2023-06-27 19:00:42 +0000 UTC View Post
So I asked God for money... but then I found out that God doesn't work that way. So I robbed a bank, then asked for forgiveness. 😇
2023-06-26 19:01:23 +0000 UTC View Post
Went to the strip club at lunchtime today and it was not open. The sign on the door said, "Sorry, we are clothed." 👚
2023-06-25 19:01:28 +0000 UTC View Post
I just paid for a boat ride to a magic themed renaissance carnival. The price was reasonable- It was a fair fairy faire ferry fare. 🧚♂️
2023-06-24 19:01:38 +0000 UTC View Post
A husband and wife see their neighbours kissing. The wife says, “He kisses her every time she comes home from work. Why can’t you do that?” The husband says, “I would love to, but I don’t know her well enough.”
2023-06-23 19:01:44 +0000 UTC View Post
After kissing a girl on her sofa she said “let’s take this upstairs” “Ok” I said “ You grab one end and I’ll grab the other” 🤷♀️
2023-06-22 19:01:50 +0000 UTC View Post
I’m trying to write this pun about yoga- But it’s just not working out. It just seems like a bit of a stretch.
2023-06-21 19:01:25 +0000 UTC View Post
I used to work in a car wash, but I wasn't very productive. In hindsight, it probably wasn't the most practical place for a painter.
2023-06-20 19:01:31 +0000 UTC View Post
A friend of mine bought me a watch that has stopped working, but I haven’t told them yet. It’s never the right time. 🕰️
2023-06-19 19:01:51 +0000 UTC View Post
Why does Sam.L.Jackson love fathers day? 'Cause it's all about celebrating those God Damn Motherfucker!
2023-06-18 19:02:06 +0000 UTC View Post
I got beamed up by aliens... I was told to do my all chores, eat my veggies, take a shower and brush my teeth. It was then I realized I was in the *mother ship*.
2023-06-17 19:02:01 +0000 UTC View Post
I like to keep my Thanksgiving dinner simple: turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, and veggies. Everything else is just gravy-
2023-06-16 19:02:50 +0000 UTC View Post
It may be **International Water Fall Day** but You’re about to be showered in something else, you filthy little cum slut. Get ***Kirk's Triple Gang bang Fantasy*** *(2016)* sent to your DMs for 25% Off by tipping 49 on this post!
2023-06-16 07:04:06 +0000 UTC View Post
What happens when you kiss a bird? You get chirpies It's a canarial disease There's no tweetment *(scroll for a surprise)* 😋
2023-06-15 19:04:42 +0000 UTC View Post
A man is lying on the beach, sun bathing, wearing nothing but a cap over his crotch. A woman passes by and remarks "If you were a gentleman, you would lift your hat for a lady ..." He replies "If you were any sort of sexy lady, the hat would lift by itself!"
2023-06-14 19:02:03 +0000 UTC View Post
There are two categories of people in this world, graceful and clumsy... I always seem to fall into the ladder 🙃
2023-06-13 19:01:57 +0000 UTC View Post
Women are like telephones. They love to be held. They love to be talked to. But, if you press the wrong button, you’re disconnected.
2023-06-12 19:01:49 +0000 UTC View Post
It’s okay to say “hi” to the man in the adjoining urinal- It’s even okay to ask him how his day is, It’s not okay to say, “Hi, nice watch!”
2023-06-11 19:02:38 +0000 UTC View Post
What do you call an operation on a barbie doll? *Plastic surgery*
2023-06-10 19:01:45 +0000 UTC View Post
What do you call sexual intercourse between a priest and a nun? *Holy fuck.*
2023-06-09 19:02:16 +0000 UTC View Post
It's important to develop a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive. 😬
2023-06-08 19:04:12 +0000 UTC View Post
Studies have shown that people who have *more* birthdays actually live longer! But always check your sources- Other studies show that *too many* birthdays can actually be fatal!
2023-06-07 19:01:16 +0000 UTC View Post
Two guys are talking about what the are got their wives for their birthdays- One of them say he got his wife a five karat Diamond ring! His buddy says, “That’s nice, but I thought she wanted a Lexus?” “Yeah, but I didn’t know where to buy a Fake Lexus.”
2023-06-06 19:01:24 +0000 UTC View Post
My friend is so ungrateful. I bought him a peanut butter chocolate chip cake for his birthday. He just grabbed his EpiPen and complained to me about it- 🙄
2023-06-05 19:01:49 +0000 UTC View Post