Last year, I told my boyfriend we could watch a porn for his birthday and do everything that we saw in the video… He was super psyched! ...until I fucked the pizza guy 😈
2023-06-04 19:01:46 +0000 UTC View Post
The best birthday I ever had- I received $500 from all the cards I opened! Sometimes I really miss working in a post office....
2023-06-03 19:01:59 +0000 UTC View Post
I got my friend a fridge for her birthday. I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it. 🤩
2023-06-02 19:04:21 +0000 UTC View Post
What does a clam do on his birthday? *It shellebrates!* **It's My Birthday in 1 week - June 7! 🎂**
2023-06-01 13:04:42 +0000 UTC View Post
I went into a seafood restaurant the other night and asked for a lobster tail. The waitress smiled sweetly and said, “Once upon a time there was this handsome lobster…” 😒🦞
2023-05-31 19:02:27 +0000 UTC View Post
How do you make a creative Star Wars joke? *You have to think outside of the jarjar!* Happy **National Creativity Day!**
2023-05-30 19:03:58 +0000 UTC View Post
Why are there more slugs in the world than snails? Because slugs don't wear protection.
2023-05-29 13:02:25 +0000 UTC View Post
NEVER get a hamburger in Athens. Way to Greecey. On a related note- Check out these buns! 😉
2023-05-28 13:02:21 +0000 UTC View Post
The swordfish has no natural predators to fear from... ....except the penfish, which is supposed to be even mightier. But on an important note, Thong? Or Full Bottom?
2023-05-27 13:03:44 +0000 UTC View Post
Why doesn’t Dracula have any friends? Well, honestly, he’s a real *pain in the neck*. 😅
2023-05-26 19:04:21 +0000 UTC View Post
How did the computer geek refer to his AI-based girlfriend? His "Databae"
2023-05-25 13:03:52 +0000 UTC View Post
Who was Princess Leia's gynecologist? **OB**-Wan Kenobi
2023-05-24 19:01:14 +0000 UTC View Post
You can't win an argument with a chicken. It's logic is impeccable. 🐔
2023-05-23 19:01:17 +0000 UTC View Post
Did you hear about the goth kid with dyslexia? He sold his soul to Santa. 🤘🎅
2023-05-22 19:01:31 +0000 UTC View Post
What’s the difference between Disney+ and pHub? Disney + wants you to hate your stepmother. 🤣
2023-05-21 19:01:30 +0000 UTC View Post
Drag racing is my favourite sport I'm just so amazed at how fast they can run in heels 👠 💄
2023-05-20 19:01:58 +0000 UTC View Post
How does good king Wenceslas like his pizza? Deep pan, crisp and even. *(Please let me know if you got this reference! 🙈)*
2023-05-19 19:02:22 +0000 UTC View Post
My stoner friend rolled a joint using a page from my agenda notebook- He is high on my list of priorities. Happy **National Notebook Day** 🤓
2023-05-18 19:02:21 +0000 UTC View Post
They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder- Which is why I’m so self conscious around bee keepers 🐝 👀
2023-05-17 19:01:56 +0000 UTC View Post
What’s a cat’s favorite color? Purrrrrple. 💜 😽
2023-05-16 19:01:41 +0000 UTC View Post
What do you get when you roll chewbaca in hersheys kisses? A chocolate chip wookie! or... both your arms ripped off! 🤷♀️
2023-05-15 19:02:15 +0000 UTC View Post
Whenever I fill out an application- In the part that says “If an emergency, notify:” I put “DOCTOR” What’s my mother going to do? 🤨
2023-05-14 19:02:27 +0000 UTC View Post
Why did Clark Kent never have a babysitter? *Because he had super vision*
2023-05-13 19:03:49 +0000 UTC View Post
There once was a woman called Callie Who loved having sex in the valley Out in the fresh air Her flesh she would bare ‘Twas better than in the back alley!
2023-05-12 19:01:39 +0000 UTC View Post
I went to the psychologist to treat my big ego. I think it worked, I'm feeling much better than all of you today.
2023-05-11 19:01:32 +0000 UTC View Post
Sad moment today when I ran over a box of shrimp. Road krill. 🦐
2023-05-11 01:02:32 +0000 UTC View Post
Why do shrimp never give anything to charity? Because they’re shellfish! 🦐
2023-05-10 13:02:19 +0000 UTC View PostThe Teacher I was dating just broke up with me- She wasn’t happy with my improper use of the colon.
2023-05-10 01:02:12 +0000 UTC View Post
Have you heard of the cross-eyed teacher? She couldn’t control her pupils
2023-05-09 13:02:25 +0000 UTC View Post
The pain of losing a sock is… unpairable.
2023-05-08 19:03:15 +0000 UTC View Post