my first casual, mostly-naked, unscripted, unedited, no filter, no makeup vlog is in the post below this (please watch). In it I attempted to walk you through why I’ve been making less and less content here on my page. Why it is that logging into OF each morning has given me more anxiety than excitement, like it used to. Doing online sex work has been making me feel depleted, so I decided to unpack it and look at my relationship to my work, my body, sexuality...my sense of identity. The most overriding feeling has been of Guilt. Guilt about not making enough content. Guilt about where I am at this stage in my career. Guilt for putting so much pressure on myself to embrace the “pornographer” identity. Guilt for not being more authentic here. Guilt about how many subscribers I have lost and feeling like I have "let them down".
I am currently hanging onto 100 subscribers, which is far cry from the 350 subscribers I had just three months ago. That number drop is huge. When your income/earnings are based 100% entirely on what strangers think about you as a person and what strangers think about your body... that can be a mind fuck seeing your income drop by 70%! It sends a message (whether true or not) about a person's self worth. That’s a pretty intense reality to live in, and very different from every other career industry. Sex work is not for the faint of heart. Ive been an esc0rt for 15 years, but online sex work is very new to me. Within the SW industry, we talk a lot among ourselves about how very differently and challenging online work is compared to in-person work. Once the pandemic popped off, it was a sink or swim mentality, and I had just been tossed into the deep end.
Embracing this new identity while simultaneously learning a whole new business model, has lead me to push my own boundaries. I’ve been able to have such a long successful career as a sex worker because I have held firm boundaries around my time, people’s access to me, my body, my sexual limits. My autonomy is what has kept me alive and for the most part thriving. Here in online work, the rules shift and that’s been a new challenge.
I realize I am sort of breaking down the fourth wall here (and in the video below) but surprise! ...sex workers are not forever in a state of arousal and horny and wet. Porn stars are not. Esc0rts are not. Cam girls are not. None of us are actually 24/7 frothy sluts. None of us remain in a state or eroticism and sensuality. The body doesn’t work that way. The mind doesn’t work that way. Coming into an erotic and sexual mental space requires effort and intentionality. Sex work is a job. Porn is a job. Content creating is a job. And like any job, we play a role. I know I play a role but I dislike playing “roles” that don’t feel authentic. This is a pornographic platform, yes. But solely making porn is NOT authentic for me. And if I have to be a “one trick pony” I don’t want to do this at all anymore.
I have figured out that to continue with online sex work and in order to remain here on this platform and indeed keep making smut; I need to circle back to what I know best. I need to reintroduce a bit more of myself, a bit more nuance again, and remember how juicy subtly can be. I have always thought “less is more” when it comes to my personal expression of lust. I have been trying so hard to be a pornographer, I forget that I am actually really good at emotional labor and at the aesthetics of smut. I want to get back to that. Making less explicit content will in the end actually boost my interest to make the raunchy stuff 💦
The last 7 months here have a lesson in boundaries and recognizing that I have crossed many of my own, which is why I have felt so shitty. Feeling shitty meant I was making less content, which then cost me more than half of my monthly income, which is beyond stressful, but maybe now I can feel good about what kind of visual media I make again. Thank you so much to the handful of you whom have stayed with me all this time, even as my content slowed down. The implied message of my subscribers leaving in hordes felt pretty shitty, but those of you whom have kept on, that message has beautiful and heart salve. Thank you.
So then. More casual semi-nude vlogs coming soon. What would you like to hear me talk about? Should they be themed or more free-form off the top of the dome? 🧐🤔
Shhhh!! No one snitch on me for breaking the rules talking about content and sales that are offsite!
I decided to have a 50% OFF SALE on my analog smut art project I’ve been curating the last year. Photochemical analog photobooth strips, I risked arrest and in one occasion, deportation, taking these. visit my sīte store for details to buy and those stories!
📸 🎞 📷⌛️🗝
teaser clip from my morning throwin’ it back in the glass shower!
Tip $30 to get 5 photos, close up, spread open 👀
Tip $60 to get all 11 photos 📷
Tip $90 for the full video 🎥
Tip $130 for both video + entire photoset 💦
For those of you new around here, I have another OnlyFans page and it's FREE - @nakedquarantinebookclub. If you are not already subscribed to my naked bookclub; you better get serious with your life! 🧐📔📙😏 I will be doing another book reading soon, posted the video here + there; but in the meantime I Just wrote a new post on the NQBC page about how horny Autumn is and I curated a short list of deliciously banned reading material for you...
New post up now, go have a look..
https://onlyfans.com/53798610/nakedquarantinebookclub
As of Tuesday this week, it is officially Fall which is the superior season, and my favourite! I’ve been outdoors, trying to soak up as much of this perfect weather as possible before the cold sets in. I’ve been unplugging more often, shutting my phone off entirely or leaving it at home, avoiding my camera equipment and avoiding social media. I have been tending to my mental health, activating the ventral vagus nervous system outdoors out in nature. You guys were in my thoughts while I was on my 7 mile hike today! I nearly got caught filming this clip for you...I think flashing in state parks is my new kink
Except for the rare occasion like tent camping in bear country or staying in a youth hostel; I have slept naked every night for the last 20 years. I even get naked when I take midday naps! So I thought it was interesting to read recently that only about 8% of people worldwide sleep in the nude, even though there is science based data (University of Amsterdam, US National Institutes of Health) on the health benefits of sleeping naked (deeper sleep, improved skin, lowered cortisol hormone, boosted metabolism and improved feelings of confidence and oxytocin release!). This was going to be a flirty post about how luscious I look in the morning waking up and hogging the whole bed; but it turned into a PSA about sleeping naked as a life hack. What do you wear to bed??
6 MONTH PANDEMIC CHECK-IN: some of you, like me, have self-isolated the entire pandemic and have been sexless the entire pandemic (okay, maybe that's just me!) which has created a unique need for intimate expression and connection...ergo OnlyFans. But I am curious....all these months of consumption of smut, nakedness, bodies, lust, desire, and all the erotic, explicit, and pornographic material...are you bored yet? As in perhaps there truly is such a thing as "too much, of a good thing"?
One of those dark wet Saturday mornings that feels sumptuous and lazy. Soft well worn cardigan half hanging to my body, white cotton panties, french press coffee, fresh berries...these are the kind of late summer weekends I look forward to all year long. Wish you were here...
A reminder that Quarantine and Iso 2.0 are still in fashion over at my bookclub. The @nakedquarantinebookclub is as luscious as the day we started it and word on the street, is that I will be doing another video reading soon. My last reading was a bit macabre (titties and murder!) I wonder what I should read this time? https://onlyfans.com/36957555/nakedquarantinebookclub
Happy Friday! I hope this weekend brings you serotonin boosts and good rest. I thought I should pop up, since I haven’t been too active on here the last while and let everyone know I have not forgotten you or the stunning new lingerie a few of you bought for me, or the smut films I have planned to create for the page! It is coming. I promise. But I did want to clear the air because I’ve been feeling guilty about not creating new content much, even though it seems most my fan base here are emotionally intelligent and already understand that 2020 has been an immense year for literally everyone, present company included.
I was diagnosed with anxiety and clinical depression 30 years ago as a small kid. As an adult mental health wellness is something I strongly advocate for, something I talk about often on social media, and at public events I’ve been asked to orate at. There is a lot of shame and stigma around mental health, and I have spent many years studying and understanding mental health and inherited traumas and how it effects whole body wellness and self image, and success. But even in all my years of living inside this body and experiencing life through this lens...I still sometimes have a difficult time being gentle and patient with myself when the chemicals in my brain do their thing.
During extreme high anxiety, creating erotic content can be really triggering which then compounds the anxiety and often effects other aspects of body health which is then a whole spiraling cycle! I’m having a hard time feeling sexy right now. So digging deep to creatively sexualize myself to make visual smut for your viewing pleasure, simply is not possible at the moment.
I appreciate you being here. I especially most of all appreciate my regular tippers and the few of you who have popped into my DM’s and sent generous tips just to say hi and check on me since you’ve noticed I’ve been silent for a while. That attention to detail and emotional intelligence is such big dick energy. You know who you are, thank you.
Hang tight, enjoy the few hundred images and videos of smut already here. I’ll have new content coming real soon loves. Word is bond. ❣️
I am beyond grateful to have replaced my camera after it broke during a tragic filming accident a few weeks ago! The day it broke I posted a campaign to raise money so I might be able to replace the camera (no camera means no content) and I honestly, didn’t think I would raise the funds...but boy was I wrong! I have 150 subscribers and five (5) of you were beyond generous and really came through for me. Such gratitude. Thank you!
Here is 1/2 of the video I filmed today of my new camera, the other half is much more naked and spread out (ahem!). If you were one of the five camera campaign contributors, the full video just landed in your DM’s! 👀📸👄
song: Grits, “Ooh Aah (My Life Be Like)”
Packages arrived! 📦
Thanks to the handful of you contributing to campaigns on previous posts; I now have a new camera + a whole set of the most beautiful lingerie I’ve ever seen. So excited! I will be doing some filming/shooting this weekend - private “thank you’s” going out to your DM’s soon!
stone cold fox facts:
No.1) The word “vixen” often used to refer to an intensely stunning woman, is actually the term for a sexually mature female fox.
No.2) during the two-week long fox mating season when the vixen is mounted for copulation, she gives off human-like high-pitched vocalizations called ‘screams.’
