Ok baby back asleep sooooo….no more excuses?….6 weeks postpartum and it’s time to face the music 😳 haha jk it’s fine I’m fine I’ll just avoid low rise jeans until the end of time etc etc
This is just to say postpartum is WAY harder than being pregnant, at least for me. I feel a bit like a deflated balloon (to be fair this will be the closest I’ll ever get to being an actual deflated balloon*) and the hormone rollercoaster, lack of time, lack of sleep and presence of new things to not like about your body can all be really overwhelming. BUT it will pass. The skin will sort itself out (maybe) and the baby won’t wake up every 6 seconds and I’ll have time for “sit-ups or whatever” haha, in the meantime trying to focus on new baby smells. HEAVEN! And trying NOT to have emotional outbursts in public. THE OPPOSITE Of HEAVEN! (I have some great public crying stories from this week but now I’m voice texting this caption while walking the baby in the stroller so I’ll save em LOL)
With each new baby I’m reminded that everybody is going through something and in some cases, a LOT of somethings. Be kind to yourself. Be kind to each other. Something that looks smooth on the surface might be all poochy wrinkled underneath (or whatever the emotional version of that is etc etc haha). Be gentle.
guess i was that snapchat dog filter? idk lol kids had fun now imma raid their candy while they sleep 🤫🤫🤫
(In all fairness it’s the least they can do for destroying my bathroom w face paint and making me take them out twice bc before dark it “didn’t feel like Halloween yet” lol, gotta love em)
sry for delay on posts just turns out newborn life places unexpected challenges on oF life (SHOCKING, i know haha). But it’s not impossible! Luckily babies love hair dryers and bouncing. 😳😛 Postpartum multitasking is the new pregnancy boredom? Don’t worry imma get those leather pants tho Yan! Haha ❤️
Lack of time mixed with hormone-fueled decisions HAS gotten me in a little hot water over the last 24 hours. Made the mistake of recycling an oF pic for Instagram. LOL. You’d think I’d have learned my lesson by now to only post agreeable mom content there. A zoomed in pic of my lil leftover pouch woulda crushed. “LOOK AT THIS HERO.” But eh, who has the time? haha 🤷🏻♀️
anyway, you all the best, hmu I’m probably breastfeeding ❤️
3 weeks postpartum and feeling a bit more like myself thank god. Crazy body shift, for starters. Look at the side by side! Emotions a bit off the rails but that’s expected. Last week was a disaster with three kids all home from school (a classroom covid case), another clogged duct and just general “baby blue” malaise that is biologically unavoidable.
The emotional recovery from OF taking down my breastfeeding / pumping post was an example of how aggressive that post-baby hormone come down can be. I was SHAKING mad. Haha. To be fair, I should have been. Boobs are great. Pretty sure we all love them on here. And you know when boobs are the greatest!? When they are making milk, obviously.
For an app that claims to be more than just for porn where creators can really “be themselves” - but to turn around and randomly delete a deeply personal attempt to educate and build awareness around something that affects every single woman’s body who has a baby bc it might offend some asshole’s erection…well, fuck off.
But after taking a break (once the shaking anger subsided) I decided I can still privately consult and continue sharing my postpartum journey. That is, until they decide sharing emotions is also “tab0o” and ultimately just come clean and admit the app is for anti-human fuck robots.
Anyway, IM FINE THINGS ARE GREAT. 💁🏻♀️ Haha. Belly has gone down a lot and I can button a few of my pre-pregnancy jeans. I still can’t quite work out - waiting the full six weeks til the Dr clears me (working out, especially the abdomen, too early can do more harm than good and WONT speed up your 6 pack btw)
But overall feeling good and strong. And, at times…super angry. lol. Bear in the woods w her cubs type angry. Word to the wise, don’t pick a fight with a postpartum mom. Avoid at all costs. She WILL destroy you (cry a little) then squirt milk on your ashes. Godspeed! 💦❤️💦
Of course i still look 4-5 months pregnant (as my almost 5yr old keeps mentioning 🙄 lol) but the fact that a week ago there was a full grown baby in there is outrageous.
To be fair the emotional bounce back is cuz it’s my third baby. If you haven’t tried going for 3 i highly recommend skipping 1 and 2 and just doing the third. Much much easier to just know what you’re doing and not tear and all that (lol).
Flippant jokes aside I was high key terrified going into this labor. My 2nd’s shoulder getting stuck and subsequent drs suggesting I get a cesarean gave me pause. Should I have just listened? Was switching to a Dr who agreed with me to try vaginal delivery life-threateningly dumb? Luckily I was able to find enough research to say that a vaginal delivery after a shoulder dystocia is generally OK but that research also suggested early induction to avoid a large baby. My doctor saw no need for induction, in fact she quickly shut me down when I brought it up (and since i know how much inductions suck, many resulting in cesarean anyway, decided to just go with her program). Having said that, armed with my google degree and watching my due date come and go was soul-crushingly scary.
When I finally went into active labor naturally at 40 weeks 4 days, I still couldn’t calm that voice in my head. “You’re gonna die…” All week little signs kept popping up convincing me these were my last days on earth. The funeral episode of Ted Lasso, randomly seeing skull stickers all over the neighborhood, sad death-themed songs wafting through restaurants and coffee shops …kinda like a bad mushroom trip only I was sober and the universe was trying to tell me to get my affairs in order. I almost wrote my kids a goodbye letter. I didn’t. Felt too dark, even for me.
When active labor hit Friday eve my daughter point blank said “if this doesn’t go well are you going to live in the stars?” Gutted. After wanting labor to start for so long suddenly I wanted it to stop…My kids need me. I can’t die, maybe I’ll just get a cesarean? Pushing is where the shoulder gets stuck and everyone dies, right?
I showed up to the hospital at 5cm in excruciating pain, got an epidural at 6cms and felt… high. In a good way. We waited. My heart rate was low so they gave me ephedrine which is basically speed. My doula and I talked for hours about who knows what. Nev fake-slept. (He admitted later he was nervous too) I was shaking the entire time. Coulda been the drugs but deep down I knew it was the fear of pushing. Seven hours of this nervous pre-death shake-talking and it was time…
Everyone gathered around. Lots of extra nurses. I held my legs w my arms, pressed my 7 stone scepter point into my thumb and pushed as hard as I could (toward an early death no doubt). FIRST PUSH. I felt the head. Ok well that was fast. But the head was never my concern. Next contraction I pushed again. SECOND PUSH. I knew part of the baby was out of me but was terrified to look. The nurses all started to tell me to hold my breath the next push and I began to tell them I didn’t want to break bl00d vessels in my face (god I’m annoying lol) and the doctor suddenly just said “No she doesn’t need to push again” and my heart sank. The baby was stuck. I knew it.
But wait no! Then she said LOOK! And I looked down and THERE HE WAS. Totally out. Two pushes. I started laughing. Sobbing? It’s a blur but I was alive and he was alive and…wait TWO PUSHES? That was it!?
I’m still totally shocked. In the best most alive way ever.
So yep. Here I am. With the audacity to complain about my lil postpartum belly. Ridiculous. Moral of the story is…trust your instinct? But that can’t be right bc my instinct was that I was gonna die. Trust your body? Your doctor? (Well your doctor after the other doctor you didn’t trust?)
Haha 🤷🏻♀️, all I know is I feel SO lucky. And happy. And shocked it doesn’t hurt to p3e.
eating ALLLLL the humble pie this week. Coulda sworn last week was my week. 3cm dialated, contractions every night, it just FELT close. But nahhhhh, this lil babe has something else in mind so now we wait. (And get foot massages and curb walk and lie in strange positions and make everyone we see press on random parts of our hands and shins lol) At least I feel great during the day, even energized. Nighttime is another story…
Full moons are supposed to bring on babies (although google says that’s bullshit so 🤷🏻♀️ we’ll seeeee) Either way I’m happy to charge my crystals and set good intentions for the birth and beyond under a big round harvest moon. Feels right.
Sending you all the positive vibes. Bounce some back my way and talk sooooooon. 🚀🚀🚀
So psyched. Feeling strong and ready. Bags packed. All adrenaline really which I’m trying to temper with a little wine. Thank you for being here with me. It’s been super special documenting this journey alongside you. 🥰🥰🥰
I’ll post what I can during labor. My guess is the next couple days but could always be longer who knowsssss. Ahhhhhhhhhh 😛😛😛
37 weeks! Front looking kinda casual but then...BAM that side viewwww 😳 haha.
Having a lot of contractions. Braxton Hicks but they putting my butt in gear digging out all the stuff I need for the smol lil angel. Filled his dresser yesterday 🥺.
In other news sry for being MIA. I was sick yet again (not covid)...but basically what i thought was gonna be a “fun magical summer” turned out to be an anxiety-ridden, virus-filled garbage fire of a season.
Thank you for everyone riding it out, cheering me up and making me feel kinda hot even with HAND FOOT AND MOUTH DISEASE wtffff haha. (Watch video if that seems outta context).DM if hand blisters are a fetish for you 😇
More high end photo shoots & content coming soon...
