some truth behind the rebrand — i've been feeling painfully ..

some truth behind the rebrand —

i've been feeling painfully lonely. trying to churn out content like that's the kind of creator that i am—but i'm not.

i care very deeply about the quality of my work and i've been learning how to make the kind of content that is satisfying to me, as i go. i didn't know how to use video editing programs, or do color grading, or marketing, or branding before i started sex work. if i'm doing it, it's likely that i'm still learning how to do it.

another truth is that i've been trying to continue on as though i didn't lose a romantic partner and a business partner at the same time. as i'm editing the final video of syn and i, this realization has been creeping in from the periphery. of course, the end of a relationship is difficult and i'm so grateful that i'm able to process some of that here through a creative outlet, but we also had plans. plans that i can't bring to fruition on my own and i'm still trying to reconcile with that.

i am certainly planning to do collabs in the future, but it's proven somewhat difficult finding other creators that fit the bill. i also don't know if i'm ready for that quite yet.

i have a tendency to put more than my all into the things that i'm passionate about. bukowski's find what you love and let it kill you comes to mind. but i've been making more content with sales in mind than my own creative expression. it's also been incredibly isolating. i'm a social creature that expects people to find their way to me (i'd like to think i have the service industry to blame for that) so i have to learn how to go out and meet new people.

and, of course, the state of this country has left me feeling so many things that it's safe to say that at some point we felt exactly the same way at the exact same time.

it feels good to get this out though, so thank you for reading. i have so many exciting plans and ideas but i've been feeling pulled in so many different directions so it's been difficult to establish how i'm going to execute them. but i know i'll figure it out (i always do).

a few things to look forward to:
- audio erotica, which we know about
- written erotica
- submissive training lessons
- a blog!
- some variation in content themes
- more slice of life content

and likely a handful of other things that i either don't remember or the brilliance hasn't come to me yet.

also, i built myself a landing page/website that i'm really really proud of and would love it if you went to check it out:
renega-des.carrd.co

i have so much love for each and every one of you and i'm so grateful for this space that we've co-created.

♡