TITLE: Gagged and Bound My power is given and received with ..

TITLE: Gagged and Bound My power is given and received with respect. There is a balance to submitting yourself and controlling the limits of the exchange. You do not accept an exchange of power without considerable respect and strict boundaries. Both the top and bottom are responsible for communicating their limitations. As we explore kink culture and the bdsm lifestyle, we will be diving more into topics such as safety, negotiation, proper play demonstrations and various books which we can really sink our teeth into. You are always welcome to read along with me, and we can discuss the books together in the comments below. Today I have written the basics for simple negotiation which you can practice with a friend or partner. Your basic negotiations for a scene includes the following: 1. The people involved: Will it be you and your partner? Will club goers be invited to participate? In what way? 2. Roles: Who is top? Are you switching roles at some point? If you are looking for more of a submissive/dominant relationship, the negotiations will be much more complex, and will require extensive research. Dominance and submission are more lifestyle, and top/bottom power exchange is in the moment for the scene. 3. Place: Most important aspect of choosing your place is to ensure no one sees the scene unless they have consented as well. If there is a possibility of someone witnessing the scene who did not consent, you are putting yourself at legal risk. If you enjoy being watched, research local clubs on Fetlife.com. 4. Time: How long will this scene be? What signal can the bottom deliver to the top in order to signify their limit is being reached? 5. How miscommunication or accidents are handled: Often times, there is accidental punctures, excrement or pain which was not negotiated. This does not happen every time, and should most definitely be a rare occurrence. Your reputation in the community is clearly communicated to every club and every person within those walls. Every time you violate consent, you risk being blacklisted in the community at large. Discuss what will happen if something goes awry. 6. Limitations: This should be self explanatory, but some folx enjoy pressuring their partner into doing things they are not comfortable with. Have your partner write down what they do not want to do. Be flexible with their evolving interests. Sometimes they might think they enjoy it and do not. Read your partner's body language, their facial expressions and their overall demeanor. Also, read your own. If you are not enjoying something, stop. They can always find another partner to play with who enjoys something you do not. 7. Sex. This is where you discuss test results, what forms of sexual contact are acceptable, and safer sex practices. Lastly, sex is not necessary in play. Kink, bdsm and sex are not all mutually exclusive. I personally have never had sex during any of my scenes. You do not have to either. 8. Intoxicants need to be discussed at this stage. Typically, it is unacceptable to be intoxicated in most club environments. Understand that there is a legal risk to being intoxicated during any type of play. 9. Bondage. What type of bondage will you be using and to what extent? Blindfolds, gags, hoods? Is your partner claustrophobic? 10. Pain. To what scale of pain is tolerated? Measure first and increase the intensity in a progressive state. Does your partner want to be whipped, spanked or clamped? Ask yourself these questions as well. What are you comfortable with? What is your fantasy? 11. Marks. Not everyone wants a rope burn around their neck when they have a family dinner that evening. How easy does your partner mark? Do they care if punctures happen? If they do not want to be marked, avoid types of play which result in so. 12. Humiliation. Never surprise your partner with name calling or an act which can cause intense shame or extreme panic without receiving permission during negotiation. 13. Safewords. Two safewords are recommended during intense scene play. You need to have a "yellow" and a "red" word. Most folks have different ways of enacting these. It could be a ribbon, when untied means stop. It could be actual words. The important thing to remember, respect the meaning and limitations which those words are used for. Do not sulk when your partner wants to stop. Be respectful and considerate. 14. Opportunities: Is there something you have always wanted to try? Discuss it with your partner. If they do not want to try it, find another partner. Never push your partner into doing something they will not enjoy as well. You are short changing yourself too. 15. Aftercare: Ensure that your partner has aftercare set up, or time set aside with you directly after the play or the day following. Panic is a normal response after your body experiences a form of trauma. Side effects of intense play can hit days after. Make sure you exchange contact information for this very reason. For more detailed information: I recommend "SM 101" by Jay Wiseman. https://www.amazon.com/101-Realistic-Introduction-Jay-Wiseman/dp/0963976389/ Next up, Erotic Breath Play! I will most likely post tomorrow night ;) Look out for it.