• dancing back decades • “If you’re interested in woman, w..

• dancing back decades • “If you’re interested in woman, why are you with one that dresses like a man” A condescending question dressed up in false logic, lack of knowledge, and just pure homophobia. Lesbian relationships have been invalidated time and time again no matter the pair; butch-femme, femme-femme, or even masc-for-masc. As if love can’t be love, as if sexual attraction can’t be valid, without a man involved. However, the history between masculine women and feminine is a long one. Dating back to the early 20th century, butches who cut their hair, carried themselves with more chivalry, and dressed more traditionally “masculine,” would find their femme counterparts at gay bars wearing more traditionally “feminine” clothes and makeup. Before gender fluidity was more acceptable, butch femme relationships were seen as a way to keep heteronormativity alive, shamed in some lesbian communities especially during the 70s with the rise of the feminist lesbian movement. Even though this argument is still around today, it is ill placed and lacks the nuance that a relationship between two lesbians could never be heteronormative. There are no men involved. The Butch-femme dynamic isn’t a recreation of old ideals, but in its own right is a unique way of loving and living, and for some was even a way to “pass” in society without being targeted directly. Today with the rise of more and more gender expressions, titles and sexualities that offer more space for people to find where they belong, some could argue that the terms butch&femme lock people into labels that are extreme simplifications of who each person is. Not every butch is a top, nor is every femme a bottom. Not every masc lesbian strictly dresses in a traditionally masculine way , nor do you owe anyone androgyny no matter how you identify. What is masculine vs. feminine is ever-evolving with the times. Looking at the love of my life, freely expressing her masculinity in a way that feels real to her, and being a femme nonbinary person myself, I can’t help but think about how lucky we are to live in the time we are in. As she takes me in her arms and twirls me around our kitchen, I feel part of a dance that goes back decades, and will continue to go on. For we have always been here, and always will be.