here are some cute pics from vegas last month. i think i'm a..

here are some cute pics from vegas last month. i think i'm autistic. just wanted to update you on my little self discovery journey. the first 2.5 weeks of my hiatus went really good. i felt relieved of pressure, started going out to the park to skate, got my ass burning from a few gym sessions, and was really excited to have a good time at edc las vegas. i ended up having an alright time at edc. the trip caused a falling out between me and someone i really care about, but leaving them out of my life is something that was long overdue. i knew for a while that their presence was doing more harm than good, but it was just really hard for me to let go. i'm trying my hardest to not fall into the toxic cycle again. i also got sick after edc & was bedridden for a whole week, unable to attend an important funeral & my niece's birthday. it took another entire week for me to get out of this mental & physical slump. now i'm back to adding more physical activity into my routine, and it honestly feels so good having my ass so sore that i'm waddling around for days after the gym. 😝 i noticed that even with a lot less on my plate, it's still hard for me to change certain habits. i'm still procrastinating on almost every task imaginable and going to bed after the sun rises. i've put a lot of thought into finding the root causes of why i am the way i am. i've attributed a lot of things to depression, trauma responses, being a major introvert or just lazy, which may be partially correct. after looking into autism, it seems to fit the bill a lot more than anything else. my social ineptitude, obsessiveness over my special interests, difficulty breaking routine, constant temporary hyperfixations, avoidant tendencies, burnout from social activity. i'm still reevaluating a lot more stuff, but looking at these traits as autistic traits instead of faults within myself has helped me understand so much. i think i'll forever be a night owl because nighttime is my "safe time" when everything is dark & quiet & not overwhelming or overstimulating. i can stop beating myself up now for not being able to function normally because my brain is literally wired differently. there are still lots of things i need to work on to have better habits, but now i know i need to adjust things to the way my brain works instead of f0rcing myself to change the way my brain works. am i ever going to get professionally diagnosed? no probably not, that sounds like a lot of work.