Oh gods, I truly can’t understand how anything could be as d..

Oh gods, I truly can’t understand how anything could be as dense as my brother’s dog. She stays with me often, since my brother and his family aren’t exactly far off from her in terms of responsibility or foresight—they’re operating at about the level of a fish. But as a committed dog lover, I still can’t fathom how something like her even manages to breathe on its own and walk this earth.

Her name is Risa, though she has no clue. If you call her by name, she’ll just stand there and look off in another direction. Well, in two directions, technically, since her eyes wander off to the sides—but never towards you. She’s supposedly over three years old, and my brother’s wife has been taking her to dog school, but she hasn’t learned a single command.

When I go to the forest with my dogs, I let them off-leash without a second thought—they’re tuned into me, always keeping eye contact, and respond easily to my voice. They understand the basics of speech, know what’s dangerous, and what not to eat. Risa, on the other hand, I drag along on a leash the entire way—if I were to let go, she’d just wander off into the sunset without even a backward glance. Or worse, she’d run straight up to strangers and start barking at them. Calling her back is pointless—little bro even doesn’t know she exists.

When a car pulls into the driveway, Risa just stands there right under the wheel. You can’t call her or make her move. I have to get out, pick her up like a piece of furniture, carry her inside, and then park.

This morning, she woke me and my dogs up by stomping all over us on the bed, and then circled around the bed for twenty minutes at 4 a.m. I thought she had to go outside, so I finally got up and made my way to the door—only for her to flop down in her bed and start snoring. Safe to say, I promptly put her outside. And she also tries to hump everything in sight—the pillows, her octopus toy, my orange dog. It’s hardly surprising that my brother and his spectacularly clever wife decided to breed her, likely celebrating her one talent. Because, naturally, the world definitely needs more dogs just like Risa!