I was freezing, and my butt was wet. But that’s not the poin..

I was freezing, and my butt was wet. But that’s not the point. The point is how much of an idiot Dima is. Dima was my former ‘pen pal’ from St. Petersburg. We met online in 2021 and talked every day since. We liked jokes about, well, bodily functions, racism, history, Gachi—basically, we were always spouting nonsense. We’d also send each other memes like ‘the battle of brown substance vs. yellow liquid’ (you know, if you know, you know) and caption them ‘literally us ❤️❤️❤️.’

We exchanged gifts often: I sent him Lego and Latvian sweets; he sent me Russian exclusives. We played WoW together. I knew he was in love with me—he didn’t even try to deny it and would tell me every day—but he wasn’t my person. So, I constantly reminded him that to me, he was primarily a friend. Dima also said I was his friend and that he valued our connection above all. But deep down, I was always cautious—I never got too attached to him.

Even though Dima swore he genuinely liked me as a person, he couldn’t name even the most basic things about my character. From what I understand, he liked my humor, the fact that I happily engaged with him on my own initiative, my appearance, listening to my endless voice messages, and the attention I gave him. He always eagerly followed my recommendations, which I found quite pleasant.

When we first started talking, he had terrible acne and was balding (he was 27 as far as I remember), and despite living in St. Petersburg, he hadn’t been to a single cultural event. Under my guidance, he cleared up his skin and hair, started going to theaters, watching classic films, and eating properly. Over the course of our friendship, I visited St. Petersburg twice, and there were things that really bothered me. For instance, during our meetings, I was the one carrying the conversation entirely—he couldn’t contribute anything to the dialogue. It’s fine in texting, but in real life, it’s exhausting. Also, he crossed boundaries—he tried to touch me and even twisted my arms once to kiss me against my will. It was extremely unpleasant, but I had no problem continuing our online friendship afterward.

For me, these situations just solidified my understanding that he didn’t see me as a person but rather enjoyed my resources and the image he’d built of me in his head. But I was fine with that—we had a really fun online dynamic. I encouraged him to sign up for a dating site and find a girlfriend since he definitely had no future with me. By the end of summer 2023, he found someone. He told me she didn’t mind our friendship, and I assumed she was as quirky as I was and didn’t think much of it.

Dima and I kept chatting the same way until spring. Then he told me his girlfriend had read our messages and insisted we stop talking. Apparently, ‘literally us ❤️❤️❤️’ was now something between him and his girlfriend, not us (which, fair enough—if anyone’s the brown substance and yellow liquid, it’s definitely them, I won’t argue 🥴).

I found this unpleasant but not shocking. I always knew Dima was weak-willed and would eventually fall into the nearest available vagina. What bothered me was that he hadn’t properly informed his girlfriend about our unusual style of communication—in essence, he lied to her, trying to sit on two chairs at once.

He never wrote to me again, not even to wish me a happy birthday. A few days ago, I was playing WoW and thinking about him. I wrote to ask how he was doing. He blocked me.

So that’s the kind of friendship we had.

People who swear by love, friendship, and loyalty and then trade it all for the nearest available genitals have always inspired pure contempt in me.