Thinking back to the yoga classes online I took during the f..

Thinking back to the yoga classes online I took during the first chapter of my yoga journey.  Thinking back about the instagram yoga community that inspired me to get started: Back then, I looked around and I envied the bodies of those that more stronger, felt in superior for my red face that often cropped up and Ive been picked on since I was a kid and stressed about the possibility of someone looking at me and not being good enough. My eyes would dart  frantically for the entire session not within but without. Fast forward to this video with @sassy.yoga77 I feel complete at peace being next to this beautiful human like we were always meant to be this way. Looking back at this video made me think of everything that self-hatred cost me over the years. I thought about the countless nights in high school when, instead of enjoying my teenage years, I'd worried I was not good enough.   I remembered summers feeling shy on the beach. I remember after my daughter was born my attempt on my life.  I remember being on social media and the reckless voices that pulled me apart not even knowing me making me feel like I was not enough. But after reminiscing about all of the pain, I also thought back to all of the work. I thought of all the years that I spent doing my inner work, becoming familiar with my mental health and physical health. Learning to say yes to me and no and setting boundaries to things that were not meant to be part of my life.  Practicing being kind and patient with myself even when I struggled. I thought of how hard it was for me to develop genuine respect for myself and be more present. Now when I sit amongst the beautiful women of Audri Asana once were strangers now some of my dearest friends. They make me feel at home in my body. No longer do I feel the need to panic or worry, I feel peace. Fully exposed, we laughed, we talked, we shared our teachings and it feels no different to having clothes. It feels safe and more possible to tune into your body and the touches and cues. Truth be told, so often I feel more comfortable completely bare in close proximity to other nude strangers than I did back when I was a 17, clothed in a near-empty gym.   I even feel more comfortable on social media being nude.  As this is me, there is nothing to hide, there is no undertone of clothing, it is just a human being. What is more beautiful and rare than that? I suspect the thing that’s helped me most is getting a bit older (and the fact that the media has at least slightly shifted away from glamorizing ideal of the 1990s and 2000s; I see more body types represented now in ways I never did back in the day). But here are a few other things that have helped me, and continue to help me build self confidence, and if you want to try them, they might help you too.   1. If you find yourself fixating on specific features you don’t like, remember that most people don’t evaluate each others’ appearance based on details, but on a kind of larger aura that includes their smile, their style, the warmth of their laugh, and so on. I think my friends are stunningly beautiful, and that their beauty is not in spite of, but includes, things I’ve criticized on my own body like cellulite and stretch marks. Why should any of us think that we’re the exceptions to the standards that we apply to everyone else? 2. If numbers stress you out, you don’t have to know what you weigh. When I was 20 or so, I cared very much about my weight, and it didn’t make me healthier physically or mentally. Now I haven’t weighed myself in forever. Sometimes, at the doctor, I ask them not to tell me (nobody’s ever batted an eye), and sometimes I find out by accident and that’s fine too. If you want to gauge changes in your body, there are countless ways to do so—say, by the foods you’re eating, your clothes, or your endurance—that are not measured on a scale. 3. Obviously, ideally, your relationship with your body shouldn’t be dependent on external validation. But if you’re having sex, the person (or people) you sleep with should be hyping you the fuck up. They should make you feel like the most gorgeous person in the world. Nobody deserves access to your body if they can’t see how spectacular it is. (The flip side of this is that it’s uniquely harmful if a lover is unappreciative or even critical. If someone you’re intimate with has made you feel bad about yourself, know that that means there’s something wrong with them, not you.) 4. If you’re having negative thoughts about your body, and can’t seem to break free of them, give yourself periods of time where you are simply not allowed to have those thoughts. These can be short at first. For instance, during a stretching session or a morning walk, vow that you won’t let yourself think negatively about your body for the entire activity. If you have a self-critical thought, remind yourself that no, you’re not doing that right now; push the thought away and focus on something nice instead. This skill gets easier with practice. Ten minutes might seem hard at first, but eventually you’ll be able to go an hour, or a day—or even full time. 5. Finally,  find what feels good. Lean into the moments when you feel strong, or grateful, or happy, or relaxed. Hate sweating, but want to be more active? Go out in winter, or try swimming or an adult ice skating class. When your budget allows, get massages. What clothes make you feel good? What kinds of movement? What people? What media? What foods? Build space in your life for more of those things. The only one who makes the rules for yourself is you.