as some of you know i participated in the boston protests la..

as some of you know i participated in the boston protests last night, when i got home i wrote this... after collecting my thoughts and reflecting on my feelings i wanted to share: Today I went to the Boston Protest naïve. I went in thinking “that wouldn’t happen in our city”, “Massachusetts is more liberal, they wouldn’t allow that ”. Still I arrived prepared. I arrived for the first march at 3:00 pm. During the march I was proud. Proud to be part of a generation that is willing to put everything on the line and fight for what is right. Everyone chanted, cried, and told their stories. Listening to the chant of “hands up” and watching all the black men and women raise their hands into the air and respond “don’t shoot” was one of the most moving things I have ever witnessed. I saw doctors and nurses at the hospitals cheering us on, I saw people directing traffic to keep us safe, others handing out masks and water, and people carrying medical supplies. We were a community, on the right side of history. We marched from 3:00pm until 8:00pm where we held a moment of silence for George Floyd and people shared their own stories. At 9:00 right after darkness fell we could see the police lights in the distance. Fireworks went off and people cheered. People started to disperse and I decided it was time to head home. I walked up toward the State House. Police recklessly drove up and down Beacon and Tremount St purposely intimidating the crowd. All street exits were blocked by a wall of cops standing shoulder to shoulder. I politely asked a cop how was I was suppose to get back to my car if all the exits are blocked. He rudely responded telling me he didn’t know and I would have to try another street. I started walking toward another possible exit. I walked about 20ft before I heard screams, I turned around to see a cloud of tear gas surrounding the crowd I was a part of just moments ago. Everyone panicked. I ran toward another exit only to be met with another wall of police. People were kneeling in front of these officers begging for support and no violence. One man threw a trash can into the street and he was immediate reprimanded by other protesters. They reminded him violence was not the answer and helped him put the trash back. I needed to find a way out, things were starting to escalate, someone threw a glass bottles and it shattered when it made contact with a car. People were running and screaming not knowing how to get out. I started walking back up to the State House to look for another way out. On my walk up the hill people were yelling that the police had released dogs. One girl was crying on the side walk after being pepper sprayed, she had been separated from her friends and couldn’t get in contact with them. At the State House crowds continued to gather. People were yelling “we are surrounded” “all the exits are blocked” “there is no way out”. I paused to take in the scene: people climbing the fence, chanting, crying, cops standing on the balcony of the state house, weapons drawn. I started to walk away up another street, I was 100 ft away when tear gas was release again. I turned around to watch a cloud engulf the crowd and people started to run toward me, so I ran, looking for any way out. Cop cars speed by going toward the crowd and hitting protesters. People were at the T trying to get home, but it wasn’t running, how were we suppose to leave? We were trapped. After an hour I made it back to the parking garage but I felt guilty. I felt guilty for leaving during the hardest part and guilty for not using my white privilege to protect others. I struggled trying to understand the balance between protecting myself and protecting others. I got on Twitter and watched the rest of the night unravel. Cops abusing their power and hurting innocent protesters. Cops taking weapons to their own cruisers to blame on protesters. Cops instigating and escalating resulting in violent altercations. Fires erupting in Boston Commons and the streets. After seeing firsthand what the police are capable of I am scared, I can’t imagine how blacks, who are targeted every day and met with police brutality must feel. I understand I will never understand but I stand with you. Today I leave the Boston Protest with the taste of tear gas in my mouth, the screams of people ringing in my ears, the images of people running in panic when I close my eyes and my bl**d boiling. Today I leave this protest more angry than before. I leave ready to fight until the change we so desperately need happens.