There is a dichotomy between fantasy and reality— especially..

There is a dichotomy between fantasy and reality— especially with porn. It takes someone’s fantasy and transforms it into a media representation of reality. Sometimes it’s the porn performer’s fantasy, sometimes the producer’s, and often it’s a fantasy a pornographer assumes belongs to viewers. The performers may in fact be acting that they’re sexually aroused when in fact they aren’t. On and off camera you can’t necessarily trust what you see because of arousal non concordance. A person’s bodily response is not always an accurate depiction of their subjective interest or pleasure. Or the performer may find that making porn (or being paid to make porn) is what turns them on and not the sex acts themselves. It’s the context which is the turn-on. Being a sexual rebel is an aphrodisiac for many of us porn performers. For most, I think, it’s a mix of the two— acts and context. With all these possibilities does truth matter in porn? Is the difference between fantasy and reality important? I don’t know. I think it’s an individual decision based on our own understanding of the impact media has on our desires (medium is the message type thinking). I think some people have thought about this but most consume sexual material more or less without self reflection or examination. I’m not one those people. I do A LOT of self examination about fantasy and reality. It’s how I’m wired, I think. I also make adjustments to my behaviour and my surroundings so I can feel best in my skin. This includes the ways in which I experience my sexuality and the ways in which I create porn. Right now I make porn as an expression of my truth and it's a blend of fantasy and reality and I do my best to make it clear to fans what is what. The current circumstances are some that I’ve never experienced before (in a home with very little privacy and without access to other partners and collaborators). It’s been a weird year but I have tried to stay true to myself and my desires. I’ve found ways to experience sexual pleasure and document it in my photos and videos. My approach resonates with my fanbase. It’s one reason so many of you, so I’m told, are drawn to me and my content. You love that I’m authentic. I love to perform and hate to lie. What I have learned over the years about myself is that when it comes to sex it’s a nuanced mind-body connection. The stimulation could be entirely physical and I feel good even if I have little attraction to a partner. Or it might have a lot to do with my attraction to them. Other times it could be the situation that drives my arousal and transforms it into something experienced and expressed in my body. The why I’m having sex is the big turn on. I found this to be the case when I roleplayed, met with clients or when I shot big group scenes. There are times when I’m purely “feeling myself” and that sparks my desire and sexual response. It’s been very personal and intimate but also something I love showing to others as a bit of a counter culture move. I want people to see an older woman enjoying her sexuality without it being all about the tropes. Tomorrow I’ll explore the concept of truth in sex work as porn has blended with GFE services. I’m looking forward to it. Are you? PS Photo is of me from earlier this year doing a custom video where I was roleplaying The Seductive Cougar (in a wig). PPS I highly recommend you check out Emily Nagoski's Ted Talks to learn more about arousal non concordance.