A lot of times I feel like I have to “put on a mask” for oth..
Added 2024-02-13 14:47:33 +0000 UTCA lot of times I feel like I have to “put on a mask” for other people and hide my sexual and sensual self bc if I’m authentic I get shamed.
As an adult, I still get punished and yelled at for even wearing a tank top or a low cut shirt. I remember my mom screaming at me because I was doing laundry and left my bra on the bed, and she would tell me “what would people think?”. I love reading erotica but I have to hide my books, that is forbidden as well.
So I developed a lot of shame towards sex and nudity where for a long time I did not feel comfortable in my skin. I got very good at wearing a mask and hiding that part of me.
It’s funny, but by exposing the parts of me I would always hide, I feel more accepted and I realize it’s not as scary as I imagined it would be. So in the future when something scares me, especially when I feel raw and vulnerable, instead of running away I want to run towards it instead.
I am discovering the balance between the things that make me feel confident and comfortable to show and my boundaries.
I am discovering how much I love writing, recoding and editing and I enter a flow state while doing so. I have ADHD so when I find activities where time flies that’s my best and most passionate state. When I’m doing my vanilla job, it’s like my mind is not fully there lol.
Anyways, thanks for your support and I hope tomorrow you’ll accept me as your valentine 💝 💘
