day 80 in Barcelona I cant believe what kinda New Years Eve ..

day 80 in Barcelona I cant believe what kinda New Years Eve I had yesterday. Morning, i packed everything ready to move out to my new apartment only to find out when im there that the landlord had already rented the place to someone else. So i sat on the street in front of the apartment with all of my stuff, sick, headache, also homeless. I had literally nowhere to go. it was cold on the street....... And I begged and begged the landlord, cuz we shook on it, he just didnt rent the place to me - cuz his former tenant decided to keep staying there. Idk, everything just doesnt make much sense. Went back to my old apartment to move more things out cuz it was the last day anyway i had to move out everything left. I tried to get a taxi to move for me, no one was willing to. They say it was too much stuff. i had no more time by then and my friend kept yelling at me because she gotta go home. Everything was a mess. Finally i got settled at a hotel around 1pm. i realized i lost my passport. Although soon i found it afterwards, still scared to shit out of me. Nothing was going my way yesterday. Super sick, coughed a lot, but i was still looking forward to my night on the 31st. i wanna see how spanish people spend New Years Eve. my friend stood me up then. So i was sick and alone on New Years Eve. Gosh even thinking about how i spent yesterday makes me wanna cry. Yea i cried a lot yesterday. Not because that nothing was right, but just.. I really miss my family. at 17:00 ( 0:00 in China) My lil sister sent me "Happy New Year, my big sister" instantly tears filled my eyes. I really miss my family. I really miss them. I dont like anybody here. I wanna go home. Everybody just wants a piece of me. I wanna go home. i wanna be protected. and protect. Yea so in the end, I didnt count down. I didnt do the grapes thing. I wasnt happy. didnt cry either. i was at the hotel. I put on the dress that i had planned to wear on New Years Eve going out on dates or partying. I took a shower, I put on the dress, put on my lipstick, combed my hair, quietly sat on the bed and watched TV. then around 3am i fell asleep. And today January 1st. I just felt so depressed that i slept all day. Ive been thinking, look at me now. Im so pathetic that i dont even feel that energy inside of me like always. I'm FARRR from being where i want to be. i'm sick. i'm homeless. The only person i know in barcelona is somebody im disappointed in. I dont know what im doing. I havent even practiced all of my instruments for almost a week. Becauase of this fucking sickness. I fucking hate it. And cuz of being sick, my exposure on instagram is dropping. Dickheads calling me prostitutes, telling me i havent done enough for them.......... i wanna disappear from the world. Im very stressed. THIS FUCKING WORLD IS DRIVING ME FUCKING CRAZY