[ "My Depression" a journal entry of mine ] I don't know e..
Added 2020-11-14 01:16:33 +0000 UTC[ "My Depression" a journal entry of mine ] I don't know exactly what you're going through but I do know pain. Pain is what I've known for the majority of my life. It was the blanket that covered me in the night while no one was there to tuck me in. A blanket so heavy I thought I would suffocaté beneath it, never waking to see the rising sun. The problem with pain isn't necessarily the pain itself. That's something you become numb to. The frightening part is, having only known depression and suffering, what happens when you begin to feel the uncomfortable experience that is 'contentment'? Euphoria, peace of mind? These are foreign bodies that my brain tells my body to reject. Like an autoimmune disorder, attacking the very cells that help keep me healthy. Kindness and love, must be a trap. No one in my life showed me I could trust them. It's easier to push them away first, rather than experiencing them tormenting me one way or another. It's almost like paranoia was passed down to me at birth, making real connections feel close to impossible. Sabotaging my own happiness becomes routine, even if I'm not aware of it, but I suppose most people who live with depression know this pain. Instead of hiking the path that we know will make us healthy. We discover new ways to stay in our own beds, without wanting to admit, we are still like children. Throwing blankets over our heads, parâlyzed by fear, trapped in darkness, unsure if we will see the next day.
